Relatvity of the Absolute Truth

For those who know me, even a little, you would know that I rarely have reasons for doing things. My reasons extend to 'because I want to'. Not much has changed in that direction. However, something recently really got me thinking about that precise motive.

I was at home recently; out of that time when I was actually at home, I needed to distract my dog enough so he could stop barking for 5 mins straight as I was nearing my limit to start screaming at him. The only time anyone screams in my house is at my dog, we are a fairly non expressive lot with enough things to keep us busy and giving the occasional 'hmmm, wassup?' to each other every now and then. It was then that I switched on the television and on came 'Sach ka Samna'. I decided to watch it for a while mainly ‘cos I like the actor and ofcourse watching strangers make a fool of themselves is a little amusing. While I watched someone bare their soul and then lose a lot of money at a lie which they insisted was the truth, there popped a question in my head. How do you really know what is true?

Have you ever questioned yourself on what isn’t even real? Have you ever woken up with a feeling that what you were dreaming of was the truth? Have you ever questioned why you dreamt such a thing? It is scarier how some truths can feel real to you yet a polygraph test may disagree. Now why would this happen? Is the answer as simple as the fact that the subconscious truth overrides the conscious truth and if so then why is the former more important than the latter. And if that were true, the choice you made that became your reality isn’t even important or acknowledged by your subconscious. Thereby, you choice is rejected and nullified by your subconscious and the polygraph test. Have you ever wanted something and made the choice not to have it? The next step is usually to tell yourself and others that you didn’t want it, your sub conscious disagrees. And you will lose that money in the television show. Rare is the breed whose head and heart is in the same place, and difficult is their path. I should know.

My cause is the search of non compromise. If I think it, I want it. The problem is never the wanting, it is the thinking. Acts are easier to change; thoughts can ruin your world. What is your choice of poison - Yield to all temptations or not have any temptations?

Things you just live with...

Turbulence is best understood by someone who has experienced plenty of it. Meaning of words like urgent, priorities and happiness is seen in a different way and context altogether. Once you’ve been through anything life altering, you tend to see life in a new shade altogether, and not a frame that can be fitted for others to understand. To borrow from a movie quote I always cherish ‘How do you get out of a fire without any scars? Well, you don’t’

Why speak about turbulence when the title of this piece indicates consequences? The reason for that is simple and yet elusive. Consequences can sometimes be your own doing and sometimes be the doing of someone else, either way you may be in place to live with it. Ofcourse there a way out, there always is but calling it quits in life or anything within it is not as easy as it seems. Walking to the edge, as difficult as it may be is very different from jumping off it, that’s a different extreme altogether. There are some consequences that hurt you and change your being in a way which you may not have foreseen? What do you do then? Can you live with it? Why? How far can you go? How much farther? What will be your limit?

Over the years, the ones who’ve lived through the most consequences keep getting their limits stretched farther and farther. And yet, the hope of a different future is hauntingly beautiful. Hope itself is sometimes hauntingly beautiful. But the reality is a different thing. The truth is that the father your limits are, the farther on the edge your reality will remain because getting back from the edge is easier said than done and no matter how much you may try to get back to who you once were, the mirror never completely lets you forget where you’ve been. So what do you do then? Stuck between the hope of a life and the reality of another life altogether?

You let your instincts take you where they do. Let the dice roll and wait for the roulette to stop. Or atleast hope that it does.

Run Baby Run...

Memory has never been good to me, happens when you erase most of your memories one day, just put them in a box and call it Pandora.

Selective memory is a great thing most of the times, except when you really need to remember something, even keep focusing on it for hours, like that song you can't get around recognizing or the name of that person you swore you would always remember.

Memory comes and goes for me and a while ago I stopped trying to control it, just let it be like that small bit of furniture that just lies around without any purpose or utility and maybe even ever being touched during its whole existence. But when it is a great thing is when your friends remind you of that big fight or angry moment you had and you just can't place it and after a while you would get around to not wanting to place it, take life as seriously as it is meant to be taken...

But its random memories that really end up making the most impact, something that never occurred to you then that it might mean so much. Only on looking back do we realize some of the key moments that shaped us, and this is where the trouble is, my memory continues to play hide and seek every now and then. But once in a while, it so happens that you are going through a moment and you know you will always remember it. It is kind of like taking pictures of things you want to remember, and as for the things you can never forget, taking a picture doesn’t even occur at that moment.

I remember that evening when I sat in the field of my college… I cannot keep breaking myself to repair what others broke… when I slept in a train for 20 hours non-stop visiting my friend when college was almost over… that night when I met a stranger who spoke of love… that morning when I hugged you never wanting to let go for once… the night when I could feel your eyes on me whenever I would look the other way…

Some moments just stick… like some people, who just get under your skin and never leave… and the great thing about selective memory is that in between a moment, you can choose to just switch your mind off and drop everything to Pandora and just run…

And thats the thing about Pandora… you need to run to remember what you’re coming back for…

Its that time again...

Ok...

So I know I disappeared for a while... I basically stopped writing... was looking for newer addictions ;)

But seriously, why I stopped writing, even I don't know... I was sitting in my office cab today (yes I work now, whoever thought that would happen :P) and I realized its been a gazillion years since I wrote a post the context of which is not cryptic... my Facebook status's continue to be cryptic since everyone I know doesn't know the context of what I write and isn't supposed to either, and the few who do know continue to ping me from time to time to chat up and laugh at them messages... I started writing a book towards the end of my MBA but I realized past the first 2 chapters that it wasn't honest enough and I wasn't ready to be as honest as I need to be when writing my book... so for now the book is on hold but here's the good news, I started writing again after ages...

Hence you can look forward to (or not) reading up on all the bullshit that goes on in my head… it’s a dangerous place, my head… I should know, I live there!

Until later,

Keep those addictions going, whatever and whoever they are ;)

D Quintessential Wasp

Figuring it out...

"From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back. That is the point that must be reached."
Franz Kafka

You just want me to say what you want me to say...

Hey

Greetings... Once again, mumblings in my mind refusing to take any concrete shape have brought me to an empty screen... So, lemme try and paint you a picture...

Tom Spanbauer stressed that life is too precious to spend it writing tame, conventional stories to which you have no personal attachment... I completely agree Mr. Spanbauer... Do google him to find out more...

Life is too precious... We have infinite moments and maybe even feelings but we have finite times to make those memories which we carry for a lifetime... Why must we spend time in writing a story that is safe which means nothing to us and brings out no strange and unknown feelings instead of taking the risk of being maybe even politically incorrect and unsure and have something that immerses the reader in the word for maybe those few hours or minutes... It is the leap of faith...

The one thing I know of and believe in more than anything else is words... Words can change the world... Or atleast raise enough eyebrows to have people change the world... One of those rare moments where I draw from spiritual knowledge, but duty is above anything else... It is my duty to be a writer...

So I shall choose to not say what I know you want to hear... I would continue to try and surprise you and maybe even shock you... As a writer/poet... this is my leap of faith... That raised eyebrow and a small thought in your head is my leap of faith... Don't stop asking questions... Its the only thing worth asking...

Take a risk and have the guts to be different and not let the world convince you that you are alone... We all have our different facets... Be honest enough to indulge in them... Take the leap...

Until later...

Cheers,

D Quintessential Wasp

My right to be immoral...

Hey

Greetings from the land of the incoherent... I say this because I realize that a some of what I write might not make sense sometimes since it is mumbling and written that way too... So just go with it... Read it and (like we are truly trained to) forget it... And maybe some of you might get offended too... But thats a good thing... Its the one time we definitely think... And that doesn't happen too much these days...

Getting on to more pressing business... Heres the deal... I have recently come to know that my property is actually Governement's property and so is my Life... Yeah my life is not my own... it is a national resource... Great... This was the last shoe waiting to be dropped...

All the gazillion rules and laws tell me what I can and cannot do... Discipline to be more precise is the key here... And the reason we need discipline they say is because we are ravage animals with no sense of direction or morality... Here, I have to agree with the Government...

Most of us head in the direction of money and all its benefits... Or did we forget that we cannot die and take money with us (there goes your life long worth of whatever you have been doing)... So what else can one do which involves a lifelong of work and which might benefit more... This is just my take but what about the stories... I have always held a belief that the only thing worth knowing is a good story... At the end of the day, all I have are stories to tell you who I have been and who I am becoming... And thats the only thing worth knowing about anyone too...

I see no wrong in being immoral if it leads to the greater good... My greater good ofcourse!!! Its the same for everyone... We are all selfish to the core... I have met very few who can act unselfishly and most of them do it out of their need for social acceptance... So then what is this right to be immoral???

My right to be immoral is my right to do whatever the heck I want to... And how do we get this right... Simple!!! Say what needs to be said... Most people are happy as long as they do not know of a problem.... So you lie and cheat your way into getting what is rightfully yours... That is how it has always been... Am just putting the thought in words out there... And next time you do something you want to, don't think too much and just go ahead with it... Try to not feel guilty... Even if it turns out wrong, atleast you got a good story to tell... Its the only thing worth owning... And there aren't too many of those...

Life is short!!! Live life on your own terms!!!

Until later...

Cheers,

D Quintessential Wasp